While most are strategerizing about social media and how to target millenials with leftover 3rd label juice, a handful of people are still out making wine that tastes like this.
Sales of our third label are down, way down. It is mindboggling, because the goofy-ass name we gave it did great in test markets- Who doesn't want a wine named Crazy Bear Charbono-nay-- a tasty blend of smoke-tainted Charbono and stainless steel Chardonnay? (More on Crazy Bear in coming posts). The data said it was supposed to flow like energy drinks this year in the parking lots of the Nickleback tour we sponsored, but something went wrong-- horribly wrong. Now sales blames marketing, marketing blames production, production blames sales, and whoever the people are who are on the other side of the conference calls have now hired consultants that say "You need to turn on social media now, or Crazy Bear is farked!"
Heads ready to roll, we've set up killer twitter #hashtags (#crazybear), recruited thousands of "friends", and started tweetin' like a mother-clucker (even if they just RT stupid stuff, #crazybear is getting out there!) Soon everyone will be talking about Crazy Bear (The crazy wine that cares)!
In 3months Crazy Bear is going to be way on top- Getting guzzled by dudes on iPhones falling out of party buses shelling out hundos and coming to make it rain all up in your tasting room! Because what the consultants tell us we need to realize is that lovers of Crazy Bear will soon grow and become lovers of our pricey main label-- Bear Creek Ridgeline Springs (An exclusively bold wine for successful couples sophisticated indulgence, for sharing with other like-minded, but not quite as successful couples).
It is a good thing that It is hot as balls down at Bear Creek Ridgeline Springs, because to score big and get that cheddar, you've got let those balls hang. Lovers of Crazy Bear relate to that and it is just a matter of tweets and moving out of their parents house before they cross the line...
About the Author: Inventor of the term, "The Crazy Wine That Cares", Hardy Wallace is a world champion wine blogger and marketing maven specializing in how to dump all that leftover shiz you have in those tanks. His reach spans the impressionable millenials that stole his effen' bike and ghost rode it into Dry Creek at this weekends barrel tasting, and to their parents who tell him to leave the deliveries in the back. Hardy's next appearance is at the West County Feline Show where he will be showing his award winning Cornish Rex cat- Pepperonious IV to the esteemed panel of judges.