1. I will not be Facebook "friends" with your business.
It is a violation of Facebook terms and conditions to have a personal profile page for your biz. It comes across as pervy. You can setup a Facebook fan page just like anyone else. I will "like" your fan page if I actually like your business.
2. If your twitter account has an auto-response DM
I will immediately unfriend you. It is no better than email spam.
2a. If it has an auto-response DM and a link to something
I will automatically block you.
3. If you send me a ridiculous press release or something stupid via email
I may pubicly ridicule it and say that it sucks big herrry ballz.
3a. If it comes w/ the offer of free booze.
See above w/ the addition that I may take accept free samples and see if it they can be used in a flamable dessert.
4. If you ask to write a sponsored post for me.
I will respond with a price that will pay for at least a vintage of grapes, and I'll edit it to make it look like it was crafted by the criminally insane. It will be clearly evident to my readers that I took yo' money and stuck it all up in mah pants.
If you submit a request for advertising, I will respond back with something ridiculous (see above) and will gleefully publicly ridicule your ads or products on my site.
Right now, I don't want them. Even if I drink them, the odds of me writing about them are pretty slim.
7. Donating writing and time for "Exposure"
If you are profiting from something and ask me to donate my services or writing for the glorious payment of "exposure" you can eat a can of soukamaibahllz.
8. If you have different messages for millenials vs other demographics.
I will never believe you. A business should have one message- the truth. If you want to target market segments, alter your platform not your message.
9. Spam- Opt in / Opt Out
If I have to opt-out of your spam that I've never opted in on, it makes me never want to use those products in your spam.
9a. If your unsubscribe button goes to your shopping cart--
10. Ignorance is not an excuse.
Courtesy is cross-platform. Because marketing digitally or via Social Media is free or cheap, it doesn't give you license to be a total dick. Most times, that BS is the only interaction we will ever share. Is that how we should see your brands?