(example 1. Money being wasted on Wine Bloggers who have zero influence. What are those? Grilled veggies?)
"Wine bloggers that don't know anything have zero influence whatsoever on the wine industry- They don't sell wine / move cases... In fact they have anti-influence! So much that whatever plonk they talk about, taste, and shill, creates a negative, anti-sales energy / force field around your wines... They're journalistic doppelgangers that don't deserve your attention, time, and specifically your resources and ad dollars. Can you hold one moment while I transfer you to sales?
See, winebloggers are trying to take all the spotlight, ad money, and a few of these rat-finks actually want to make an income, or even a living from writing online! Gawt danged cheese and RICE!!!!! How do they expect to do this? Combined, their reach barely extends to the other 6 wine bloggers that subscribe to their drivelous wine blog , but still we must talk about them regularly... If we don't publicly address the problem of blogs, someone upstairs is going to get really pissed, and when they get pissed, it starts raining Poop and chainsaws.... I mean, it totally sucks to get hit by a chainsaw, but even more when you're covered in POOP! Bloggers, blobbers, these little, tiny, droolers, keep us from talking about wine...
These Caesar salad-eaters have no right to just say anything online- How dare they? We have responsibilities, editors,sales and marketing departments, and advertisers! We get paid so we can be ethical!!! Most bloggers just have their mom and a never-ending pack of hot pockets they use to chase down with free samples of "Smoking Chupacabra Pinot Blend" (These guys blend in all the Pinots! Perfect for Millenials!) sent to them boondoggle style from Wines of Uruguayistan... Heck, I wouldn't touch that plonk with their mother's mustache!
Down in their basement lair, next to boxes of old TSR games, these half-bred, twits, manically type nothing but positive notes to get more free wine (some even write every day!!!!). Occasionally they huddle in secret society-like tweetups where when they are not tweeting to each other, they talk about how they tweet, what samples they got, and who is going to #crushit or #ownit this year. When they take a break from ignoring real, meaningful human interaction, they mumble to each other about how to take down traditional media, and how many free pens and snacks they are going to get at the 2010 Wine Bloggers Conference. Most of these pigtailed, blobbers have no idea and have never been on a real junket before... but that may get in the way of them tweeting, blogging and doing social media bullshanks..."
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All this talk in the past months of wine blogger influence always comes back to "Does it sell wine? Does it move cases?" But this sounds more like traditional media reinforcing that they deserve (and need) ad revenue. You know what, they probably do. If you've got the scratch to give, and it is historically proven effective for you, place an ad with them. If they've been successful at moving your wine, how could you possibly think not to advertise with them? That is their goal after all, to sell your wine?
Don't get me wrong, I like, respect, and have friends in traditional media. The BEST writers and palates are still in traditional media. They deserve support, attention, respect and praise.
But let's call this recent noise what it is... A fight for your money and eyeballs.
Most bloggers don't care if they ever get a dime from ads, cases of samples of non-vintage sparking scuppernong, or a moment of your time. They do it for fun, for the camaraderie, and most importantly- for love of wine. Some are great writers, some have zero influence, some are skilled tasters, others not... but type in a search in google looking for a wine, and chances are they (or something communicated via social media or a social network) are going to pop up high on the search results.
I encourage anyone to spend their money where it works (just don't think about spending it here)...
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About the author:
Hardy Wallace is the world's least influential wine figure. His blog Dirty South Wine may reach an audience of 2 billion people online, but no one besides other bloggers read it. Though he is a champion wine blender, experienced culinary judge, master of "the forbidden dance", and has personally fought off 2 species of giant cat from the comfort of his luxury automobile, he can't write or score wine worth a hoot.
When not wine blogging, he is tweeting to others about wine blogging. When not eating hot pockets, he is heating up hot pockets and preparing to eat them.
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